\"20-Minute Yoga for Abs | Feel Good Flow\"<\/a> on YouTube. Give it a watch. It's a good all-over workout.<\/p>I've been doing it for at least 5 years. I don't really like any of the other routines. I know this one, so my mind can wander while I still focus on the positions.<\/p>
I always feel better for doing it. It's just really hard to motivate myself at the minute. But I did it. So yay for me.<\/p>
The headline<\/h2>
This morning, I saw an Independent article on Facebook about Jamie Oliver's wife, Jools. I only really got as far as the headline and the comments, then I clicked off. But as far as I could tell, it was about a late diagnosis of ADHD and autism.<\/p>
The headline was a bit sensational. Basically, it said that not knowing, and being misdiagnosed, had ruined the last 45 years of her life.<\/p>
I know that sounds dramatic. But I do understand it. I don't know all the circumstances, but I can see why she'd say that.<\/p>
It's one of the things that motivates me to talk about my own experience. I went under the radar for so long. And I've heard so many stories, and know people personally, who were misdiagnosed, put on medication and given labels that didn't apply. That's really damaging.<\/p>
The hemorrhoids comment<\/h2>
The reason I clicked off was one of the comments under the Facebook post. It said, more or less: if she didn't know, it can't have been that bad. Then it compared it to hemorrhoids. Nobody has hemorrhoids without knowing they've got them.<\/p>
It's a funny comment, and it got lots of likes. I get it, and I can see where they're coming from. But that's not what it's like.<\/p>
It's more like this. You don't know what hemorrhoids are. You notice something's going on down there, so you go to the doctor. You're told it's stress: take more baths. Or here are some pills, they'll make everything better.<\/p>
But the harder you try to be less stressed, and the more tablets you take, the worse it gets. And nobody calls it what it is. Doctors, family, friends, even you: everyone's looking in the wrong direction. So you have to figure it out on your own.<\/p>
Then one day you realise: oh my god, I've got hemorrhoids. I've been treating the wrong thing all along. It's a revelation.<\/p>
It's not that you don't know something's wrong. You do. It's that you're given the wrong reasons for it, or no reasons at all. And for an autistic brain that needs things to make sense, not having answers sends you into a spiral that makes everything 100 times worse.<\/p>
So, it's a funny comment. It just doesn't quite get to the bottom of it.<\/p>
(That's a joke. Ha ha.)<\/p>
The plan<\/h2>
I started my work day with a plan: pick up everything I'd marked as urgent yesterday and blast through it.<\/p>
Then I remembered there was a meeting at 10. So I stopped for that. Afterwards, I had to update a colleague on how it went. Then I realised it was 11 and I hadn't had breakfast. So I went\u2026 and had breakfast.<\/p>
Then I picked the work back up. It's new to me, so it always takes longer, and my manager's off today so I couldn't ask her. I did what I could. I worked through the bits I knew how to deal with and noted down questions for tomorrow.<\/p>
The urgent deadline<\/h2>
Then I found out about an urgent piece of work with a fixed deadline that afternoon. It hadn't come through yet, and there was no way of knowing exactly when it would.<\/p>
Luckily, I'd already been discussing some work with a senior person in the team. I messaged them to ask if they could help me look at it today. They replied really quickly and said yes. I've got some great colleagues.<\/p>
But it hung over me until it finally came in. I was trying to concentrate on learning the new work and picking out the questions to ask, while also wondering when this urgent document would turn up, and whether I'd even know how to deal with it.<\/p>
A walk in the park<\/h2>
I was getting anxious and couldn't concentrate. So I pulled myself away and went for a walk. It was sunny, and there's a park nearby. I walked around it, and around the streets outside, which are really pretty.<\/p>
And I bumped into someone I used to work with. Funny, because yesterday I'd wondered if I'd see old colleagues in town, and I didn't. It was nice to see them.<\/p>
Maintaining friendships is one of the ways I really struggle with my neurodivergence. We were really close when we worked together, and part of a friendship group. Then things just got awkward. I'm still not really sure why.<\/p>
I haven't properly seen or spoken to any of them since I left that job. Maybe they were just work friends. I felt like a bit of a spectator in the group, so a few months after I left, I left the group chat. Nobody checked in afterwards, so it felt like the right call.<\/p>
It seems like a shame. But I'm not really sure what to do about it now.<\/p>
Against the clock<\/h2>
When the document finally came through, there wasn't much time left before the deadline.<\/p>
It was long and completely new to me, and it didn't just cover my area of work. I was so glad I'd asked my senior colleague to help, because it covered his area too.<\/p>
We both went through it carefully.<\/p>
Nothing stood out to me, and my senior colleague agreed: no concerns, nothing to add.<\/p>
I let everyone know, with 10 minutes to spare, and that was it. Done.<\/p>
Then I went to take a break, get something to eat, and slow down the old heart rate.<\/p>
Lunch at 2:30<\/h2>
Greek yogurt with grapes, pecans, cinnamon and chopped dates. A bit healthier than yesterday's Greggs. I felt better for it.<\/p>
A calmer afternoon<\/h2>
The rest of the afternoon was calmer. I chipped away at my to-do list backlog, and I got a few thank-yous, which is always nice.<\/p>
The coaching session<\/h2>
While I was on holiday, there was a neurodiversity network session at work as part of the wellbeing offer. One of the things it covered was neurodiversity coaching.<\/p>
At the end of the day, I watched the recording. It was about a workplace assessment for neurodivergence, with a view to coaching, and it sounded like it could be really helpful.<\/p>
Interestingly, it said you don't have to be at crisis point. You don't even need a diagnosis. It can just be an everyday challenge you want to get better at, if you're neurodivergent or suspect you might be.<\/p>
They'd do a general assessment of your job description, your daily tasks, your strengths and your challenges. Then they'd write a report with recommended reasonable adjustments. Coaching could be one of them, but it's wider than that.<\/p>
I know what I'd want help with: meetings. Processing information in real time. Having the confidence to say, \"I don't know, but I'll find out\", or to ask questions.<\/p>
But I don't think it's only about confidence. It's about knowing which questions to ask. Sometimes I only think of them afterwards.<\/p>
It has to go through my manager. So I wrote down some initial thoughts in an email, and I'll chat to her about it when she's back tomorrow.<\/p>
Why asking is so hard<\/h2>
I'm proud of myself for taking that step. I also got a bit emotional.<\/p>
Even though I blog about this and post about it on social media, actually saying to someone, at work or in my personal life, \"I'm struggling because of this, and I need help\" really brings it home.<\/p>
I still struggle to ask for help. Which is funny, because it's the first thing I'd tell anyone else to do. There's no shame in it. It's actually a really good thing. It's the point where things start to get better.<\/p>
But for some people, it's also the hardest part. I wish it wasn't that way.<\/p>
Maybe someday, someone reading this, or seeing one of my posts, will see that it works out. That things get better, and there's more help out there if you look for it. There's more help out there than I ever thought there was. And when you find it, accept it.<\/p>
The theme of today<\/h2>
It's okay to ask for help.<\/p>
Help is out there. It's not always clear where to go for it, or who to ask. But once you're open to the idea that you need it, you're more likely to notice the chances to ask when they come up.<\/p>
Tonight<\/h2>
Gammon steaks, jacket potatoes and beans for tea. A bit of a comfort dinner. Then more Slow Horses, and a bit more of Hooked before sleep.<\/p>
The little things that helped today<\/h2>Learning a new Japanese phrase: kamaimasen<\/p><\/li>
Coffee from the new cafeti\u00e8re<\/p><\/li>
The Brain at Rest, and its permission to rest<\/p><\/li>
Doing my yoga, even when I didn't want to<\/p><\/li>
A senior colleague who said yes straight away<\/p><\/li>
A sunny walk in the park<\/p><\/li>
Lunch, once the deadline was done<\/p><\/li>
Watching the neurodivergence session and taking the first step to hopefully get some coaching<\/p><\/li>
A comfort dinner and Slow Horses<\/p>
<\/p><\/li><\/ul>
Today was about asking for help. It's still hard. But I did it.<\/p>
For tips, tools and support, follow me over on Instagram at @calmhandsclub.<\/p>
Calm hands, calm mind. Rachel x<\/em><\/p>
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